Bitches Brew

 

As the moon ascends

The wolves come out to see the end

They hide from view and wait

To watch the ghost inside you come awake

And when the shots go off, you hear them call

My heart is racing just to see it all

To watch you crawl out of your changing shape

Take all your breath and watch it come awake

From the flames of the fire

I feel you crawling to my bed

Throwing shapes at the sky

I watch you crying to me

With your knees open

I display you, taunt the beast again

'Cause when you move and shake

That thing inside you comes awake

As you dance against the breathing wall

My claws are out, I want to feel it all

Feel it crawl inside you, changing shape

Take out your breath and feel you come awake

From the flames of the fire

I feel you crawling to my bed

Throwing shapes at the sky

I watch you crying to me

Say something, pray for something

Say something, pray to something

Say...

SAY SOMETHING! PRAY FOR SOMETHING!

Crosses - Bitches Brew

/ Yet, no matter how deeply I go down into myself, my God is dark, and like a webbing made of a hundred roots that drink in silence. /

This is my favourite thing in the world right now.

This song is all I ever dreamed of, the dark embodiment of my most inmost thoughts and the reflection of my hazy soul, filled with midnight dreams and just everything that I love and crave for... With lonely reflections, breezy evening wind, starlight and reflection of the moon on the mirrored surface of the lake, soft glow of lanterns in the haze, sound of rain... I love darkness, I love the romance of the night, I love mystery and questions without answers... But by now everything I love the most in the world is them...

28 Дней

Разбегаюсь, боюсь упасть

Не хочу любви, режущей мечту

Некому сказать "я боюсь"

Некуда идти...

Растворяю

Вечность в себе

Навечно возьми

На время забудь

Вечность - бери

Можешь убежать, тебе всё можно, за стеной

Отравлен день, отравлен и разбит,

Не надо мне твоей любви

Так хрупок мир крови с ванилью 

Я грею, верю...

Раздаривая сны, я стал чужим

Сам себе, себе

Каждый новый день, взрывая самолёты

Им всё равно

Я не живу

Ответы на вопросы равны нулю

Разбито, закрыто, навечно

Я насилую себя

Неважен, вчерашний

День боли будет лучше без меня

Только не надо солёной воды

В крови нет страха, в ней есть только ты

В крови нет нас, в венах нет боли

Ты заливаешь себя теплом

Я так ничтожен, не зная о том

Что кончилась ты, и кончился я

Я больше, чем вечность

Я тоже умираю за тебя

Я заодно с корнями всех моих цветов

Я жду рассвета и единения мостов

Оставив в прошлом мои сомнения и страх

Твоей планеты не сохранить в моих руках

6000000000 Себя - 28 Дней

/ Говорят, что звезды, которые светят ярче, живут намного короче, но лучше минуты счастья, чем годы тоски /

Как же безумно я люблю глубину, трагизм, болезненную странность и пронизывающую красоту их песен и их лирики... Господи, сколько же всего в этих словах...

Для меня эта группа когда-то давно стала символом сверхновой: они взорвались так стремительно и засияли так ярко, что я до сих пор вижу этот отпечаток на своих веках, когда закрываю глаза... Закрываю глаза и вижу ту 17-летнюю девочку, которая сидит на холодной крыше, смотрит, как с постепенно меркнущего неба медленно падают хрупкие снежинки, кружатся, пролетая мимо, чтобы без следа исчезнуть, достигнув рубежа своего короткого путешествия и умереть на сером асфальте, и держит в руках маленький плеер, на котором голубыми буквами выведено 6000000000Sebya, погружаясь все глубже и глубже внутрь себя, теряясь в этой невероятной музыке и таких странных, но таких удивительных словах и звуках... Для меня таких, как они, больше не было и уже никогда не будет. Они давно потеряны в прошлом, как было потеряно так много вещей, но не забыты. Все еще безумно люблю... и так сильно скучаю...

Warpaint

The war you fight is underneath

The water, getting deeper

The wall, the wall, the falling wall

The wall is bursting open

The wall is bursting open

(In like a dull knife

Pulls out all the stops

I fall out like)

You were burning even when I was whispering

(Time running out)

You hold on, the water was slippery

(In like a dull knife)

You listen, the weather was answering

(Time running out)

I let go, I wanna get into it

You've got your reasons that "hey, hey"

Turned by the seasons and long days gone

Too many minds in my "I don't know"

Cold and under, I almost forgot to

Face up to what I ought to

Willing and I do give offering to you

Willing and I do give offering to you

Don't know why I feel so different

Feel just like a different person

You're tied in a knot, can't throw you back here up

You've got the floor, they say, you gotta lock it up

Late into the night you wore off that fever

That fever

Cold and under, I almost forgot to

Face up to what I ought to

Willing and I do give offering to you

Willing and I do give offering to you

Aaah, I'm over here by your way

Aaah, tight as a knot, I want to fade

Warpaint - Warpaint

/ They wore their strange beauty like war paint /

What a perfect music... Bleak, mysterious, smooth, cold, penetrating, insanely beautiful, but you can't even imagine what kind of fire is burning inside of it...

I love these incredible girls, and I'm never going to get tired of wondering how something can be so angelically beautiful and light, but at the same time so dark and deep...

Paintings

God took all of my research

And ate it up

One by one

I haven’t thought for a while

Who is my teacher?

I'll never learn anything

And who has been my lover?

She waits in the dark

To steal my love

To steal my love

Take these hands

What have I made them do?

What have you made them for?

Am I the only one left to sin at all?

I met a fallen creature

I picked him up

I licked his wounds

He bit my hand

I see the preacher

To fill my cup

Please fill my cup

I had to take away all of the paintings

Inside of my head

I can only remember the first ones

And when the curtains were closed

I could still see your eyelashes beating

I can still see your breath on the window

But I think I want it to go away

From Indian Lakes - Paintings

/ I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. /

Today was an ordinary day, but the minute I heard this fragile, sad and beautiful song it suddenly was filled with inner light, warmth and remembrance. And precisely through such moments you can always find a piece of the beauty and the value in something absolute ordinary, and find a longing to keep this imprint in your heart...

The Epilogue

It's a strange day

The roses are in bloom

But in a strange way

I know somehow we're doomed

Look around through the town

Not a soul to be found

In silence, not a sound

There's no one around but you

In the back of the car

On the way from the bar

In silence, here we are

Reminding us of how we're doomed

Well, get set,

It's time, we come to the end

We've circled around our doom

And I won't stop,

Not 'til I get what I want

And all that I want is you

In a strange place

When the sun goes down, we move

Into a strange phase

Like we've got nothing left to lose

So we slip through the town

With our heads in the clouds

In silence, not a sound

For miles and miles around

Fall asleep in the park

Underneath all the stars

In silence, here we are

Reminded of how we're doomed

Now get set,

It's time we come to the end

We've circled around our doom

Yeah, I won't stop,

Not 'til I get what I want

'Cause all that I want is you

Crosses - The Epilogue

/ While the warm enchanted autumn hasn't yet slipped out of my hands... /

I just can't resist these romantic vibes that this amazing song sends me... 'Cause when I hear this music I'm starting to imagine like I'm passing throught the autumn alleways sparkling with warm gold in the rays of the setting sun, with someone invisible, non-existent, but who endlessly lives in my heart...

I've have found the sense of autumn melancholy in this melody, because it contains the scent of rain and the sadness of falling leaves saying goodbye to the branches of trees and being replaced by cold emptiness, and dream-like voice of Chino Moreno tells me beautiful stories and wraps me with a warm haze of something mysterious, romantic and unfathomable...

In this music, I dissolve my sadness and my loneliness, and find pease, harmony and joy in it.

Goodbye

Please put me to bed

And turn down the light

Fold down your hands

Give me a sign

Hooked on your lies

Lay down next to me

Don't listen when I scream

Bury your doubts and fall asleep

Find out....I was just a bad dream

Let the bed sheet

Soak up my tears

And watch the only way out

Disappear

Don't tell me why

Kiss me goodbye

For neither ever, nor never

Goodbye

Neither ever, nor never

Goodbye

Neither ever, nor never

Goodbye

Goodbye

Apparat - Goodbye

/ She hardly ever thought of him. He had worn a place for himself in some corner of her heart, as a sea shell, always boring against the rock, might do. The making of the place had been her pain. But now the shell was safely in the rock. It was lodged, and ground no longer. /

Sometimes it seems that only deep sadness can be so beautiful... And it’s amazing how this track could embrace the atmosphere of quiet thoughtfulness, elusive netherworld atmosphere and deep grief. This is the perfect way how the music reflects the endless emptiness of the grey sky, the silence and timelessness of lonely cemetery alleys at the dusk, the last goodbuys of fragile leaves leaving naked trees, the whisper of a sad rain drippig on the roof when nobody is near... It all seems to merge in an instant, and this moment is like eternity, because once you've heard the music of such beauty, it will forever echo in the most secret corners of your soul...

Echo and Dust Pt.II

I took root on the edge and delve into the soil and dust

Still hanging loose are my ends as I sleep under the Earth

Life bears no meaning to me, I'm left, I'm left repeating myself

Time always laughing at me still

I’m left repeating myself still

I’m never leaving now that I’m down here

Ghost of my old shape I have begun new life

Giving myself away

And I dance with the thought of connection

I've found a place beyond these plastic stars

We’ll live forever in brand new posture here

As our distance expands

We are whole in the wondrous eye

You were me in my sudden death

I am you in another life

I have seen more than enough

All the world is rust; our teeth are gold

I had been there long enough

My blood is finally running cold

I took root on the edge and delve into the soil and dust

Still hanging loose are my ends as I sleep under the Earth

This life bears no meaning to me, I'm left, left repeating myself

Time always laughing at me still repeating

I feel my blood is thinning

I feel my blood is thinning

Can you feel us coming through

The static blossoms into the air

Rise, we start to bloom

Burning as we move through the world

Can you feel us coming through

The static blossoms into the air

Rise, we start to bloom

Burning

I gave myself to the earth

I am reborn in the ashes

I gave myself to the earth

Reborn in the ashes

Greyhaven - Echo and Dust Pt.II

/ All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes. /

Another part of an unbelivable beautiful pattern that I just can’t stop looking in, because I'm so hypnotized by its glory and mystery, which I am trying to comprehend gazing into it more and more closely every single time... It is pure object of sound forcing the listener to feel it so deeply, in the end perceiving a strange record of his own existence, his fragility, and his finiteness.

Day Is Gone

Speak and reveal to me the depths you’re hiding in so I can be with you

All the noise is gone, feel it all go quiet now

It suddenly explodes every nerve at once

It suddenly explodes

Crashed in swirling heat, I’d hate see blow out in front of me

Fragment light displays; our mirrored hearts collapse and crash

In the years before I know you let her go

Loosely fading ghosts to take her place

Dust to settle in, I wait to feel alone

In the years before I know you let her go

Painted in ash all the words that you said as you walked away

Loosely fading ghosts to take our place

If I could suspend time all together

Would you stay up here forever?

I’m an empty promise just passing off the blame

Your eyes wander through my faces

It’s no wonder it all feels the same

Your eyes wander through my faces

Black out throne towers over me

Substance control bleeds in and out

She’ll be laughing at me later

But the question stays for now unanswered

Is it always the same with me, I don’t remember my nights

Is it always the same damn thing, I don’t remember my nights

Greyhaven - Day is Gone

“Time has a different meaning for me, and these events that seem so monumental in the moment will one day be nothing more than a line in a scroll. These humans are but letters to be inked into history. A hundred years from now, I will be free. I will have forgotten their names and faces, and the struggles they have will not matter. Time has a way of burying things, shifting like the desert and swallowing entire civilizations, erasing them from map and memory. Always, in the end, everything returns to dust.”

Incredibly, but this year dosn't cease to please me, and again I've found a new band that just blew up my mind.

This is fuckin fantastic, mindblowing and amazing. I've never expected to find something so strong, so atmospheric, so keen and so progressive at the same time, so on of a sudden. 

Something about this music have captured me with a magic that most metalcore/hardcore bands just can’t reach. It consistently blurs the lines between crushing post-hardcore, dreamy grooving melodies and soft verses. This music consists of crazy transitions, tons of atmosphere, desperate beauty, technical musicianship and versatile vocals of unbelievable beauty. Phenomenal.

Night Verses

/ Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent. / 

Сегодня у меня особенный день и особенное настроение... Хотя, нет, немного не так... Сегодня весьма удивительный день, ведь пришло время опубликовать свой 100-й пост, и весьма сложный, потому что именно его я бы хотела сделать ярким и особенным. Но ведь никогда не знаешь, какие мысли придут к тебе в голову, и какие эмоции будут волновать твою душу, да и сможешь ли ты найти в себе силы выразить все, что чувствуешь, ведь больше того, что может сказать музыка, я сказать все равно не в силах...

И на самом деле, я просто не могу поверить в то, как много всего я смогла отыскать в глубинах своей души и облечь в словесную форму, запечатлев на этих страницах. Это кажется чем-то абсолютно невозможным и даже странным. И я не понимаю, откуда во мне такая необъяснимая потребность выражать свои чувства и облекать их в слова, но я ничего не могу поделать. Это желание, эта жажда, эта необходимость всегда были со мной, сколько я себя помню. Это словно какая-то болезнь, которая не дает мне покоя и порой просто сводит с ума, но болезнь эта весьма прекрасна...

Я помню, как говорила, что в мире так много прекрасной музыки, которую мне не дано услышать... Что же, я просто и подумать не могла, насколько много ее на самом деле. Другой. Разной. Необычной. Волнующей. Неуловимой. Прекрасной и переменчивой как сама жизнь. Музыка - это и есть моя жизнь. И я просто рада быть такой сумасшедшей, такой странной и так самозабвенно любить ее.

Музыка всегда была моим спасением. Я потеряна и погребена в музыке. Именно благодаря ей мои дни наполнены болью, грустью и любовью, и я словно брожу в этой прекрасной дымке, загораживающей от меня реальный мир... И в этом мире, внутри себя, я всегда нахожусь в поиске новых источников чувств и эмоций, порой оставив все попытки раскрасить свою реальную жизнь. Зачем, если за ее пределами есть что-то большее, что-то более сильное, глубокое и вечное, более эмоциональное и волнующее? И я погружаюсь в этот мир все глубже и глубже... Реальность - ничто, воображение - все.

Night Verses - Copper Wasp

А что же касается тех, кому я хочу посвятить именно этот пост... Этот пост я посвящу группе, которая, пожалуй, стала самым главным, самым неожиданным и самым ярким открытием этого года (среди прочих невероятно ярких открытий), и которая стала самым последним и самым глубоким впечатлением последний дней (не говоря о неописуемом помешательстве на Deftones/Crosses) - Night Verses. Я просто безбрежно, бесконечно и самозабвенно люблю их. Я просто разрываюсь на тысячи частей и без остатка растворяюсь в их музыке. В ней я заново обретаю себя и обретаю тот невероятный мир, который скрыт за гранью осязаемых границ реальности... И в память о том дне, когда я словно впервые открыла глаза и увидела всю красоту и ослепляющее сияние Copper Wasp, когда мое сердце стучало со скоростью 100 ударов в минуту, я ловила ртом воздух, я словно плакала и молилась, перед тем как провалится в бесконечно глубокую яму, на дне которой я не смогу видеть ничего, кроме темноты и сияния звезд где-то высоко-высоко над головой, я пыталась найти кого-то, кто мог бы полюбить эту музыку так же, как полюбила ее я, ведь я знаю, знаю, что есть в этом мире кто-то, кто мог бы разделить со мной эти эмоции... И нет, в этот раз я не хотела именно этого, я просто хотела, чтобы кто-то был таким же счастливым, какой была я, когда тонула, накрываемая волнами этих невероятных звуков... И я словно чувствовала, что этот кто-то находится совсем рядом, а потом... Потом я вдруг очнулась, глубоко вдохнула и заставила себя оглядеться вокруг и понять, что я совсем одна и мне суждено быть одной... Ведь я вспомнила, что рано или поздно этот путь приведет к разочарованию и невосполнимой пустоте, ведь "Нет таких как я... больше / Нет таких как ты... больше / Нет таких как я... больше / И каждый - один". Нет никого, кто мог бы смотреть на этот мир твоими глазами. Как в те моменты, когда я любовалась красотой звездного неба и далеких планет в свой телескоп в совершенном одиночестве. Да и знаешь... Это уже неважно, все это давно не важно...

Для кого-то все это навсегда останется всего-лишь словами, но я счастлива видеть то, чего не смогут увидеть остальные. И словно зная, наверняка зная, что среди миллиардов звезд, на одной из тысяч, а, может быть, миллионов планет, точно существует жизнь, я знаю, что в этот мире есть кто-то, кто любит эту музыку так же, как люблю ее я.

/ People haven't always been there for me but music always has. /

This Is a Trick

Something's changed in your face I notice
A different sparkle in those crazy eyes
Your unmistakable charade I know it
Always tricks me every time

What's the matter with the transformation?
What you've been practicing for days and nights.
While I'm watching the creation of this
awful creature that no one likes.

A million tears, a trillion times
I've seen that glaze and glitch in your eyes.

This is a trick
Hello, hello, I know
What this really is
I know hello, hello

I'm so excited I can hardly take it

This is a trick
Hello, hello, I know
What it really is
I know hello, hello,

It's just a trick
Hello, hello, I know
What it really is
I know hello, hello

Crosses (†††) - This Is a Trick

/ You see how fake it all is. It's not even hard enough to be made out of plastic. It's a paper town. /

The darkness and sexuality dissolved in Chino Moreno's voice are inexpressible... As much as this magnificent, dark and strangely beautiful music, but his mysterious vicious voice just makes me crazy... And I barely holding myself together when I feel his presense in the depth of my mind and my heart...

...I will leave this little remark here and will eagerly wait to fall in your embrace again...

When I'm Small

Lucy's underground
She's got a mouth to feed
Am I underground
Or am I in between?

Lucy's underground
She's got a mouth to feed
Am I underground
Or am I in too deep?

Show me love
You've got your hand on the button now
Sure enough
You've got your hand on the button now

Lucy's underground
She's never coming back
Am I still alive
Or has the light gone black

Take me underground
Take me all the way
Bring me to the fire
Throw me in the flames

Show me love
You've got your hand on the button now
Sure enough
You've got your hand on the button now

I'd rather die
I'd rather die

Than to be with you

Phantogram - When I'm Small

/ When you reach for the stars, you are reaching for the farthest thing out there. When you reach deep into yourself, it is the same thing, but in the opposite direction. If you reach in both directions, you will have spanned the universe. /

I just feel myself like Alice In The Night Wonderland... And this time I've fell down much deeper than I ever have to... Just another unspeacable feeling. Just another journey to the depth of subconsciousness. Just another escape beyound the boundaries of understanding. And this time I really can't find more words to say anything else.

But... This tremolo in the end makes me feel like something in my heart is dying and breaks for Heaven...

Autumn

Red leaves blow in the wind

Leaving home and everything it's known behind

Barren branches wave goodbye

As the red leaves slowly die

Every flower stares and watches

As the wind takes me away

Before the sun shone upon me

Now the wind takes me away

Red leaves falling

Through the branches

Making their way to the ground

Blowing by the flowers sleeping

No one knows the leaves are leaving

Haste the Day - Autumn

/ Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they're falling like they're falling in love with the ground. /

"Is not this a true autumn day? Just the still melancholy that I love - that makes life and nature harmonise. The birds are consulting about their migrations, the trees are putting on the hectic or the pallid hues of decay, and begin to strew the ground, that one's very footsteps may not disturb the repose of earth and air, while they give us a scent that is a perfect anodyne to the restless spirit. Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."

*** 

I feel the cool breeze of autumn on my face, and I know that very soon it will take away all the sorrow, loss and broken dreams of the days left behind. And it feels like something wraps me with silent thoughtfulness and mild saddness, immerses me in the peaceful still waters where the time fades and I left alone with my inner world. Autumn is the time when I find myself anew, a seson of dreams, memories and inspiration... 

And like in this beuutiful song from my dearest memories I feel like I want to fall down, like a dying leaf, and forgot about how it was someday to play under the deep blue sky warmed up with bright scintillant sun among the others...

And now I think that I finally can say "Goodbye" and find the peace and serenity.

Autumn in everything.