Goodbuy, 2018

Waiting for inspiration and a little room to breathe to put my thoughts together and make a list of the most significant and important musical events of the passing year... And for now I would just say that it was one of the greates years of the past decade. And yes, it was the year where everything has only just began...

Homeostasis

A tiny moth

Wrapped in lungs

Got my armor

And I got my gun

I told you not to call me hun

She floats so soft

Inside his web

My spider lover

His useless head

I told you not to touch my bed

I stumble from

This empty room

You blow my brains

I’ll blow my cool

You know I can’t play by the rules

I feel so cold

The sweetest stare

My wool filled eyes

Your hollow care

A tiny game of truth or dare

I’m changing, I’m spinning

Uh, morphogenic

I’m webbing I’m morphing

Uh, morphogenic

I’m hungry, I’m thirsty

Uh, morphogenic

I’m tired, I’m wasting

Uh, morphogenic

Nostalghia - Homeostasis

/ You have this ability to find beauty in weird places /

Perhaps this is one of the strangest musical discoveries in all the time of endless searches and chance meetings. This is something prohibitively strange, something that attracts me with its mystery and alienates by its discrepancy with any canons. It is something familiar but at the same tine distorted. And this something does not leave my head, attracts me, and I try to understand and feel, endlessly enjoying this incredible track.
And this violin sounds so divinely and untimely...

Feral Love

Run from the light

Your eyes, black like an animal

Deep in the wander

And care for no one, but the offspring of your might

Run from the one who comes to find you

Wait for the night that comes to hide

Your eyes black like an animal, black like an animal

Crossing the water, lead them to die

We press for the water

Press for the river, press for the rain

We press for the water

Press for the river, press for the pain

Chelsea Wolfe - Feral Love

/ I want to be with those who know secret things or else alone. /

I love to run away and wander on the other side of the reality... And just such incredible persons like Chelsea Wolfe can become my guide in the world of the unknown, the dusk and the beautiful. She like no other embodies mistery and darkness, her music is both healing and harrowing, enchanting and narcotic, silent and crying, and her voice is both haunting and seemingly haunted, though whether by angels or demons is unclear. And I'm in love with her skewed romanticism.

The Stall

Want to calm you down

Like I could once in your life

Want to settle all your worries

How to make you feel alright

And you think it's scared and helpless

Like there's just no getting through

But I won't give up on you

But I won't give up on you

But I won't give up on you

But I won't give up on you

Though I think you want me to

And when you wake up so afraid

That the only way to be brave

Is to give up the strong things

Don't you know who you are let it out?

Let you talk

Trust your turn

Shake it off

Everybody's got the same

Got the same shedding skin

Letting go's not giving in

Want to calm you down

Like I could once in your life

Want to settle all your worries

Gonna make you feel alright

Settle all your worries

Gonna make you feel alright

Settle all your worries

I get high when I'm low

I get wrong when I know

So break down

You know, you need, you want to

Break out

Follow your lead, you got you

No doubt

You know, you need, you want to

Break out

Love is, love is a place for it

Warpaint - The Stall

/ The fragrance of white tea is the feeling of existing in the mists that float over waters; the scent of peony is the scent of the absence of negativity: a lack of confusion, doubt, and darkness; to smell a rose is to teach your soul to skip; a nut and a wood together is a walk over fallen Autumn leaves; the touch of jasmine is a night's dream under the nomad's moon. /

This is simply amazing... In my entire life my heart and my soul were swept by hundreds of incredible, beautiful, indescribable emotions. But I've never felt myself the way I do now... When I hear this music, I feel like I'm forget who I am... I am losing myself in it and forget everything. I fall into another dimension, where feelings, thoughts intertwine and amplify many times over. 

It is fascinating, it is deep, it is mysterious, it is sad, it is angelicly beautiful... It is incomprehensible. It is my from beginning to end.

Silent Gold

Push me over

Make me shiver

You're my cover

Let your river flow

Flow

Flow going high and low

Leave me open

Leave me fretless

Peel my cold skin

Make me reckless

Run

Run

Run for the morning sun

Take my body

Make it holy

As once you asked me, baby

"How do you roll with God?"

God?

God is what we do now

Baby, wrap me in your silent gold

Let the saddest story be untold

Baby, anywhere you go

Anything you do

Is home

Is gold

Pain of Salvation - Silent Gold

/ We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there. /

I'll just leave it here... Let this song leave its mark here just as it left it in my heart. And I just have no words to convey how it makes me feel. As if everything I had ever loved, lived, waited and hoped for, merged into one melody from the past, into a quiet beautiful tune that always sounds in my heart and permeates through my whole life with a golden thread...

Meaningless

I still smell of sweat

Still the scent of my giving in

Try to feel regret

But I want it to stay on my skin

I still fantasize

Close my eyes to be wrong again

Still those fuck-me eyes

As I'm licking the palm of my hand

I still smell of ...

Still her taste on my fingertips

Try to feel remorse

But it's hard with her wet on my lips

How the hell am I supposed to keep myself

When you are so damn far away

And everything feels meaningless

And I am not mine

I need something of my own

Something with a locked door

A room just for me alone

Something that I can control

I need something of my own

I need something cutting to the bone

I need something that is mine

If that must be guilt, then fine

I wanted something nice, but fine

This guilt is a hole but it's mine

I wanted something nice

This guilt is a hole but it's mine!

Pain of Salvation - Meaningless

/ All extremes of feeling are allied with madness. /

I remembered this incredible song as a continuation, but at the same time the absolute contrary of the previous one. It's not filled with sadness and light, it is filled with darkness and despair...

This song is like a mysterious river that envelops and carries me away... The dark river that blurs my mind and left myself sink in the waves of unspeakable sadness and craving. I don't know what else can I say except that these feelings are unfathomable...

In Exile

 We are in exile

You know

We were wrecking

Our lives, you know

We were hostile

And we fought

To the death

Ooo don't be afraid to miss me

I am in exile

I know

I am wrecking

Your life

I was hostile

And we fought

To the death

Ooo don't be afraid to miss me

Don't be afraid to hate me

Ooo don't be afraid to miss me

The Pineapple Thief - In Exile

/ When I look back / I see the landscapes / That I have walked through / But it is different

All the great trees are gone / It seems there are / Remnants of them

But it is the afterglow / Inside of you 

Of all those you met / Who meant something in your life /

I love this song and can not escape from it's winter capture... I can't stop watching this video, filled with the symbols of separation and loss.

It gives me a feeling of absolute sadness and solitude, bright, wintery cool, without any glimmers of warmth, but filled with peace, acceptance and self-understanding... It draws in my mind а solitary figure standing on the edge of the cliff and looking down to the endless dark waters laying below and beyond the horizon. Lonely siluette fluttering in the gusts of the cold relentless wind which tears off and carries away everything inessential and meaningless. So beautiful in it's solitude. And, above all, absolutely free.

My December

This is my December

This is my time of the year

This is my December

This is all so clear

This is my December

This is my snow covered home

This is my December

This is me alone

This is my December

These are my snow covered dreams

This is me pretending

This is all I need

And I

Just wish that I didn't feel

Like there was something I missed

And I

Take back all the things I said

To make you feel like that

And I

Just wish that I didn't feel

Like there was something I missed

And I

Take back all the things I said to you

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere to go to

Give it all away

To have someone to come home to

This is my December

This is my time of the year

This is my December

This is all so clear

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere to go to

Give it all away

To have someone to come home to

Linkin Park - My December

/ Are the days of winter sunshine just as sad for you, too? When it is misty, in the evenings, and I am out walking by myself, it seems to me that the rain is falling through my heart and causing it to crumble into ruins. /

Life turns pages too fast and now the time has come to read a new chapter titled "Wintertime"... 

This is a wonderful and at once sad season, when the time stops and dies down, just to take a final glance back, before crossing the line and moving forward, leaving everything behind...

This is the time of myself lost in dreams and drowning in melancholy... Words can't express how much you were meant for me and how much I loved you. How much I still do...

And I just want to stop the time and seat near the window, staring at the winter scene, so cold, so lonely, yet so beautiful, sleeping under the blue skies covered with white clouds which looks like reflections of the snowy glades, colored in brightest shades of white... I want sit down and read my first diaries where every single line was dedicated to you... And I miss this time so badly.

So... Let the December be a month of my nostalgia...