пятница, 31 января 2020 г.

Name Your God

 

Feel that fire beneath my toes
The world is burning all aglow
We missed the pardon, Heaven knows
Here for forever as human ghosts
We knew the stakes so take your place
I can't believe there's so much confusion on your face

So breathe in
(Let it out)
Through these charred lungs
(And breathe in)
To the end
(But the end was a casualty)

I'll take your mercy
Please take this pain
You did it once
This is just a misunderstanding
A little lie crept in my brain
I couldn't fight it so flesh becomes flame

One time the old man said
Keep God in your heart not your head
Don't ever let that in
(Don't ever let that in)
Because then you will see
(Name your god)
That I will not be here
(Name your god)
I will be at home
(Name your god)
Will you be there with me?
I don't know

I awoke so scared, more scared than I had ever been
Asking God to forgive each and every sin
Sweat poured from my head into my hands
As I sat there staring at them
Seven years and death at your door
The spirit's in the room begging for more
And thirty-five years, I still don't know
I still don't know where we all will go

Where will you go?
I don't know


This is the way the perfection, elegance and serenity sounds like... And it feels like you're running away from everything and everyone along a deserted beach, the wind blows your hair, soft sand caresses your feet, a measured sound of waves calms your heart, and wherever you go, wherever you look, everything you see is infinite: the endless sky above, an endless horizon all around, and it seems that your movement in this world is endless, too... Or maybe it really is?

среда, 22 января 2020 г.

Still


I'll wrap up my bones
And leave them
Out of this home
Out on the road

Two feet standing on a principle
Two hands longing for each others warmth
Cold smoke seeping out of colder throats
Darkness falling, leaves nowhere to go

It's spiraling down
Biting words like a wolf howling
Hate is spitting out each others mouths
But we're still sleeping like we're lovers

Still with feet touching
Still with eyes meeting
Still our hands match
Still with hearts beating

Two feet standing on a principle
Two hands longing for each others warmth
Cold smoke seeping out of colder throats
Darkness falling, leaves nowhere to go


/ The day will come when I will look in the sky the same way asking how are you there, without me... /

Whatever I say, my words will not be able to describe a small fraction of how beautiful this song is... This magic, ephemerality and depth of post-rock, this elusive and pure sadness, this genuine beauty. The voice of this girl is a pure fragile vessel filled with unique beauty and unbearable sadness. And I will keep it carefully, I promise.


вторник, 14 января 2020 г.

The Dazzler

 The night is young at the Dazzler
I spiked my own drink, took myself to bed
Alone I pondered the cheap frills of hotels
The miniatures, the endless throwaway towels
One for my hair, one for my foot
Another for my other foot
My face, my neck, my spilled beverages

Drunk in my hotel room, I look perfect
I look like I'm 24 before I caught your coldness
God, I'm gorgeous
I keep begging for late checkouts
Let me stay here, let me live here
In room 232 till I expire, I can shower for hours
Leave the lights on, I'm not paying those bills

The neighbours are quiet, no one is back yet
I think about the falsity of hotel sex
Expensive bedsheets and the orange glowing filaments
The way you used to say you loved me
In the heat of it, holiday feeling
When it wasn't over too quick
Yeah, I'll throw the TV out the window
And I'll paint the whole room gold
I'll make potions with the minibar here
Yeah, I feel unbalanced, put my feet on the walls
Try and reach you all night, I'm not paying for calls

Oh, this is heaven
Alone
Yeah, this is living
Alone


"This song hit me hard in many ways, I relate to it, it brings me back to the nights in the city where I would wander around and see all the happy couples walking around, laughing, kissing, cuddling, having dinner, living. The loneliness I felt was suffocating, I would call up guys for a cheap thrill, some sex in a decent hotel with some drinks just to feel something other than the emptiness inside me, growing. I would feel sick after like I was degrading myself for sinking this low just to escape my problems. 
I felt like nobody would love me in those times, I was kind of hoping that one day a guy wouldn’t just get up and leave once the sex ended. I was hoping they would stay and hold me and let me cry out all this sadness enveloping me, engulfing my being deep inside. There were many nights in that city, in those hotel rooms, of just loneliness, pleasure, relief, hopelessness and confusion, I could see the imprints of myself in the walls. 
My life is better now, I’m lucky for what I have and the guy I have in my life. I’ll never forget though those feelings and how close I was to ending it all in one of those rooms, each night was like a dance with death. Those memories feel like a blur, they’re strangely nostalgic. This song brings it all right out of me. I’m grateful for escaping that cycle, I know some that never escape."

For me loneliness and melancholy have never been sad, only romantic and so desired... But this music is so painful yet so beautiful I can even put in the words. This is too personal, too outspoken, too beautiful, too fragile yet too strong. This not just a song, this is a story of lonely soul in absolutely lonely world, told in a such a piercing way, that I feel myself as if I were you... And these feeling are so beyond all bearing... But this is heaven, alone. Yes, this is living, alone.

среда, 8 января 2020 г.

Familiar


Can you walk on the water if I, you and I?
Because your blood's running cold outside the familiar true to life
Can you walk on the water if I, you and I?
Or keep your eyes on the road and live in the familiar, without you and I
It glows with gates of gold, true to life

We took a walk to the summit at night, you and I
To burn a hole in the old grip of the familiar, you and I
And the dark was opening wide, do or die
Under a mask of vermillion ruling eyes

And our love is a ghost that the others can't see
It's a danger
Every shade of us you fade down to keep
Them in the dark on who we are
(Oh, what you do to me)
Gonna be the death of me
It's a danger
'Cause our love is a ghost that the others can't see


This song is golden, like autumn leaves in the light, warm, like a mug of hot tea and a warm blanket on a rainy day, sad, like a whisper of the cold days that coming...

пятница, 3 января 2020 г.

Quiet



Time does not bring relief; you all have lied 
Who told me time would ease me of my pain! 
I miss him in the weeping of the rain; 
I want him at the shrinking of the tide; 
The old snows melt from every mountain-side, 
And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane; 
But last year’s bitter loving must remain 
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide. 
There are a hundred places where I fear 
To go,—so with his memory they brim. 
And entering with relief some quiet place 
Where never fell his foot or shone his face 
I say, “There is no memory of him here!” 
And so stand stricken, so remembering him.


A quiet farewell to everything that can't be last forever... Life, followed by death. The warmth of the hands, replaced by the coldness of loneliness. The sound of music fading into silence. The sadness that fills the void left after all of this. And the beauty left to live forever.