When you're gone...

 

/ There are memories that time does not erase... 

Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable. / 

I don't know how to start with... There is so many scattered thoughts and flashes of memories in my mind, and in the same time I feel gaping void in my heart. There is so many pain and love for you...

I still miss you so much and still can't bear the thought that you vere taken away so early. And it makes me muse about how fragile our life is and how illusive happiness is. Veil of bliss is wonderful, but at the same time it is subtle and tender, so it can be torn by the wind in a blink... And there are always fear, pain and loneliness are lurking behind it... Because now metter how long this ride called life would be, there is always only one and the same final destination.

But now I do not want to think about your death. I want to remember what a wonderful life you have lived and what an incredible contribution you've brought to life of so many of us... After all, if the same outcome for everyone of us is inevitable, I want to capture and remember every happy moment that life will give me. Life is a book and there are a thousand pages I have not read yet. And each of us have his own story. Oscar Wilde once said, "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all". And sometimes I wonder if I live my life right... Most of the time absolutely alone, swimming in still waters of dear memories, beautiful images and imaginary stories, while living incredible lives, discovering new horizons - of knowledge, feelings and emotions - and all of this is only in my head, in my heart... Do I make a contribution to the future? Or will all of this be forgotten, and once looking back, I won't find anything in there, just something to cling to? No, not like this. I always have a pen in my hands to write my own story day by day. And how interesting and exciting it will be depends only on me. So I don't want to postpone it for later. Because every day is precious, but every wasted day is a blank page in your story. And you can't go back and fill it. So live here and now. The past can't be returned, and the future doesn't exists yet...

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.”

And in the end all I can say is... Time flies, I always miss you and I always keep you in my heart.